Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Dangerous laughter laughter dangerous.
Dangerous laughter dangerous laughter.
Danger.
Left here.
Sa.
Day 8.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: The Emergency Destruct system is now activated.
The option to override detonation procedure has now expired.
The ship will automatically destruct in E minus one minute.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
[00:01:35] Speaker C: This was not easy.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: And we are back. Another episode of dangerous laughter. Welcome to the DL.
I am aj rice. We have a special presentation.
At the palace of Versailles.
With Emmanuel Macron. The French president Marco Rubio, who was taking time off from cutting the lawn, standing there over his right shoulder signing not so much a treaty, but a memorandum of understanding, which is a hard to enforce legal document. But it's, we're going to understand that we're going to do this and this is dangerous LAUGHTER and some shows we do, we focus more on the danger.
We've done that and we've talked about that. Certain guests we have on fall more in the danger category. Other guests come on in the laughter category. Now, some days you get lucky. You get both.
Now, this was a hard interview to obtain today.
Our entire team has worked the phones.
We had some people that should not be named reaching out, even physically going to the country of Iran to find this next guest. And this look, this guest didn't have to come on with us. He could come on. He could go on with Nick Fuentes, he could go on with Candace Owens, he could go on with Stephen Colbert's public access show that he's doing now in Michigan. He could have chosen any of those places to come talk to us in the aftermath of this memorandum of understanding that was signed now, as of right now, with the way the reporting goes, and Fox News was reporting it, the leader of Iran, the supreme leader of Iran opposed this mou. He opposed it.
And I guess he basically passed it off to his own president. He said, oh, the president is going to take responsibility for it. Kind of like what Trump was saying about J.D. vance. If this doesn't work out, I'm just going to blame Vance.
I can hear Rubio snickering in the background.
So we have an exclusive, really our first exclusive.
And I don't know how many head of states we're going to be able to interview here on Dangerous Laughter.
A lot of people aren't going to this interview. Some people will love it, but Megyn Kelly has been saying lately we are trying to reach out beyond our normal audiences of Christians and Jews and we're trying to bring in a Muslim audience. Megyn Kelly's doing it, Tucker's doing it. So we wanted to do it and the way we're going to do it. Ladies and gentlemen, today is with my next dangerous guest.
This guest likes his men hot and his women cold. Cold in the morgue, maybe. But his dream, he has dreams of competing on Dances with the Stars.
His favorite word is infidel. And his favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor is something called ido, I guess, like cookie dough.
And that was launched, actually, that flavor, the head of Ben and Jerry's cooking kook. But they launched that flavor to celebrate the Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage in the United States. So that's his favorite flavor.
I'm sure it tastes fine. I'm sure straight people can eat it. So have no fear.
Now, following his father's death this year in the 2026 Iran war, he was the third leader elected in about 10 or 15 minutes because they had the one leader and then another leader. Kaboom.
Another leader kaboom.
But he was nominated by the assembly of experts there in the Molocracy in Iran.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have an exclusive for you. I give you. The supreme leader of Iran doesn't do interviews. He came here to dangerous laughter.
The Gayatola Mushtaba Husseini harmony.
[00:06:17] Speaker D: Hello, Ajay Aziz. Yes, I am the supreme Leader of Iran and you're very welcome for having me.
[00:06:24] Speaker B: Now, I appreciate you coming on with us. Look, we're not a traditional media source. You could have went on 60 minutes.
They're rooting for you over there. Although maybe less people now that Scott Pelly left. You could go on with George Stephanopoulos, who is Greek.
He's kind of the size of like a Tinkerbell sized man.
[00:06:44] Speaker D: No, I don't want a Greek.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: You don't like a Greek? Oh, because you're Persian, you don't have
[00:06:49] Speaker D: a good here Greek.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: Most of the audience has seen the movie the 300, so we know what the Greeks did to you then. But you could have been on all any of these shows, I'm sure.
Go ahead.
[00:07:01] Speaker D: That movie was the fabrication, not actually full eyes.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: No, that wasn't a documentary. I thought that was a Frank Miller documentary. The 300.
[00:07:13] Speaker D: Silence. You are stupid.
I'm only talking to you for one reason. Azizam.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:21] Speaker D: I want you to bring the Pete Hag set.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: Oh, he is a beefcake. We're gonna get into that. We're gonna get into that. I'm not sure you're his type.
He has had. He's got seven kids and he's had three wives. He has a lovely wife now named Jenny Hegseth. Full disclosure, is our client at the PR firm that I run, he's a bit of a badass. Yeah, so he's a bit of a badass. So I can. He looks good. And when he's swimming the east river in that swim thing, So I can see why you would like him for sure. Now, I gotta ask you, really, when it comes to coming on this show, taking time away from the bunker or the cave or wherever you're living now, hopefully there's no IDF soldiers behind you.
I've told you, there's something special going on right now.
It is the month of June.
Now, you've taken time away from, I'm sure, the June festivities.
It's been reported that President Trump wanted to strike this current MOU deal in June instead of May, in honor of you, in honor of your lifestyle, in honor of the way you like to dress when no one's around because of Pride Month.
Now, I've got to ask you, Gayatola, don't you find the fact that he picked June for this MoU peace treaty, don't you find that a considerate act? Wasn't that nice of him?
[00:08:51] Speaker D: Azizam, I'm not gay. I just. I prefer the company of men.
[00:08:57] Speaker B: Oh, okay, look, me, closet, suit, closet, whatever you want, however you want to go about it. But according to reporting from the New York Post, with sources from the CIA in the deep state, I know you do have a wife, although you just found her yesterday. I. From what I could, what I read, she. You married her two years ago.
[00:09:20] Speaker D: You had to go so much in common. Pete Hegseth has the wife. I had the wife. We have so many things in common,
[00:09:28] Speaker B: but the question is whether the wife is, like, behind me here, a bearded lady or just a beard in general. Sometimes if you're in the public view and you don't want to be judged, you go, you find some woman from some off Broadway play or something, and Tony and Tina's wedding or something, and you strike up a connection with them. Maybe they get a salary, maybe they don't.
And they become your beard, Right? Not necessarily a bearded lady. Although I don't know what your flavors that you like, beyond the Ben and Jerry's flavors I mentioned already. So you're saying your wife is legit? She's not a beard, and she's not a bearded lady. Is that what you're telling me?
[00:10:11] Speaker D: A.J. aziza.
I like to put the hair and harem. I like hair. Hairy men.
Woman, Woman.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:10:22] Speaker D: The woman is for family and for children.
Okay.
[00:10:27] Speaker B: We're going to get into the harem later. We're going to talk about what the harem is. Speaking of headset, how mad were you when Secretary of War Pete Hegseth sunk all your little battleships? And not only that, not only did he put the Iranian navy to the bottom of the sea, he also sunk two of your favorite rainbow colored sailboats.
Now, does the MOU that Trump signed, does that say anything about taxpayers United nations, this investment fund that's been created to rebuild your favorite two little tiny rainbow sailboats, Is that part of the deal?
[00:11:13] Speaker D: As long as Pete Heg says comes in a high kayak with me, we can row together.
But I'm very bad bunker boy, A.J.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: i bet. I bet.
[00:11:24] Speaker D: I don't want.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: I don't want war.
I know you don't. Look, I. You kind of failed upward here. You were not the first choice.
You're basically elected within 10 minutes. I get it. You were having a blast. You were having a great time.
And I you look, Hagseth, he might have busted your bunker, but you might have liked it. Now, we're going to take a break here. A lot of people think Hag Seth's a beefcake. He did a exercise challenge against RFK Jr and RFK Jr gave him a run for his money there. Both of them were tearing it up. So we're going to take a quick break. We have an exclusive going on here today. The Gayetola of Iran calling in from an undisclosed location, probably somewhere around the capital city of Iran. He's decided to not speak in Farsi. He's speaking in English to us as best as he can.
And we're going to take a quick break with our sponsors. Gayetola. Hang on. We'll be back right after this.
In today's breaking news, the Curse of the Bearded lady by AJ Rice has already hit number one on Amazon new releases and it is only on pre sale.
[00:12:29] Speaker E: You should be women.
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.
Someone once said comedy is the art of turning horror into humor. That's the essence of the Curse of the Bearded Lady. Laughing in the face of madness before it devours us whole. The curse of a bearded lady.
[00:12:52] Speaker D: A.J.
[00:12:53] Speaker C: rice, what the makes you think the world needs another podcast? And what the would make you think the world needs a podcast from you, AJ Rice. Podcasts have become like everybody's got one, including A J. Rice. What the man, you sound like a minor league backup outfielder from some AAA team and I don't know where. All right, we need. We need way more, less dumb ass perspective from Philly in the media.
What the is Dangerous Laughter?
Everybody's got a podcast now, huh? It's like a Facebook page. You think you're cute with that dumb name?
We didn't talk about the Eagles. You can talk about the Sixers.
You got four things to talk about the Sixers, four brooms to talk about the Sixers, the Flyers, the whole. This is what we're gonna have to listen to. AJ Rice talking about Philly sports.
[00:13:55] Speaker B: They all suck.
[00:13:57] Speaker C: But good luck.
Good luck, my man.
Stay at it. With that dangerous laughter. No one will be watching or listening. God forbid anyone wants to listen to that.
[00:14:10] Speaker F: Rush Limbaugh was born on January 12, 1951. Howard Stern was born on January 12, 1954. A.J. rice was born on January 12, 1980. You don't always get the hero you want.
Sometimes you get the hero you deserve.
You're listening to dangerous Laughter on the Publius Media Network.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
[00:14:42] Speaker G: David, he was gonna blame you if the talks of the ran go silent.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: Are you worried that he's gonna make
[00:14:47] Speaker G: you the fall guy? No, not at all. I think the president was joking, but as. As he often does. But, no, I think, look, the entire team has worked very well on this, and we've got this thing to a very good place for the American people. Now, I have seen some progressive criticisms of me personally saying, what experience does the vice President of the United States have with hostile high stakes negotiations? And I would point those progressive critics to the fact that just two days ago, I spent over an hour on the View.
So I actually have great experience in very hostile negotiations. And I've used that. I mean, look, Joy Behar is way tougher than the Iranians, and she and I are best friends now. So we're going to get to a good place here.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: And we are back. That was the vice president recently in the Bradley Room taking questions at the White House.
And he's been. He's been leading some of the negotiations.
There's been other players in the negotiations, which I'm going to get to here in a second.
There could be a situation soon where the vice president or Marco Rubio is in the room with you. Gayetola. We've got the Gayetola on the line. Mustaba Hosseini Hamine. The Gayetola. The Supreme Leader of Iran taking time out from his pride month festivities.
Taking time out from his pina coladas.
Taking time out from listening to Paul Anka. He is here.
And this is A dangerous Laughter News Network exclusive. Welcome back, sir. How are you?
[00:16:22] Speaker D: AJ Azizam, I want to tell you, I want to bring Amica and Israel to their knees. But as sexy as it would be to have them on their knees, I. I want Pete hath on his knees, but not.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: Not. You don't like Rubio and Vance, huh? You don't like either of them.
All right, well, let me ask you about this, because although Trump did is honoring you by doing this MOU during Pride Month, what I. I've got to ask, was it offensive to you that he chose to send.
And one, of course, is his son in law. He sent two Jews.
Two Jews to negotiate with the Pakistanis with your delegation. I mean, do you look at Jared Kushner and Steve Wickoff, both of Jewish descent?
They've done a pretty good job with the Arabs. They haven't ended up in any type of jail cell with the Arabs. So were you offended by that? As a Farsi speaking, sometimes straight leader of a country,
[00:17:24] Speaker D: all they send me is these Jews. And they're the only man worthy of his holiness, Pete Hegseth Strong and.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Well, I mean, look, except.
Except, yeah, he's gangly.
[00:17:39] Speaker D: Not my type.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: All right, well, look, I had to ask. I had to ask because, look, when you're dealing with. You're dealing with the Middle east, some people say that they could be secret Jewish weapon, some people say they could be secret IDF soldiers, some people say that they could be the descendants of Jackie Mason and Rodney Dangerfield. You don't know. You never know, right?
Because from what I heard, and I've got to ask you about this, there has been on the parts of the Dark web that Jeffrey Epstein, another man of Jewish descent, is hiding out in your bunker with you. Is there any truth to that? Do you want to address that now?
But he's not dead. He's with you.
[00:18:23] Speaker D: A.J. you are stupid. You're not a serious person.
And yeah, Epstein and P. Diddy, all
[00:18:30] Speaker B: us together with you, you're like the three Ayatollah Amigos there, right? You got the baby oil, right?
What's going on there?
[00:18:41] Speaker D: Dust off of each other's nipples.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Now, when the Straits of Hormuz got shut down and the petroleum oil ran out, I heard you got imported through a back channel through Afghanistan, tons of baby oil, because you knew Diddy and Epstein were on their way. But I'm like, look, I don't want to. I don't want to bemoan that. I don't want to slip and slide around the hotel with Diddy here. So let me ask you this question. There's been reports that you sustained some injuries during the military action in Iran.
What exactly happened? And I guess what the audience wants to know for Pride Month is all the equipment working? Is everything intact,
[00:19:26] Speaker D: stronger and better than ever? The only thing, AJ Aziza, that I have suffered is a broken heart.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: Oh, well, look, I'm sorry to hear that. The broken heart is about what exactly? Yeah. I mean, you are. You are married to a. To a woman. As far as I can tell where the broken heart is coming from.
[00:19:47] Speaker G: Where?
[00:19:48] Speaker D: Peter Hexent.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:19:51] Speaker D: Personally.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: All right, all right, I get it. I mean, a lot of people. A lot of people think he's a heartthrob. So I. I. Let me turn to something a little more serious. You are the gay supreme leader of a country that hangs gay people from cranes and stones. Lesbians to death. Isn't it kind of hypocritical as the gayetola for you to be in charge of the culture there, of the. You have the military, Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps.
You have the molocracy that your late father was in charge of, and now you. I mean, some people think it's. It's hypocritical.
[00:20:29] Speaker D: Lesbian.
That's like trying to impregnate a bull.
Waste of time. They don't have children. And as far as the gay men, aj, if they don't want to be with me, what do I need them for?
[00:20:42] Speaker B: Well, look, I hear you. I don't know that much about impregnating bulls.
But some people. Now, there are some college kids running around the United States, Columbia's campus, Yale's campus, and they're. They. They've got signs. Gays for Palestine.
Gays for Tehran.
Gays for the Revolutionary Guard Corps. Gays for Gay Atolla. So you do have people that don't think you're a hypocrite here.
So that. That should warm your heart a little bit. I mean, that you do have a fan club here. Not just the ladies of the View, but a lot of these misguided kids that are paying $60,000 a year in tuition.
So that. Look, you should love that. Let me move on here. I'm told it's one of the footnotes in this MoU. Correct me if I'm wrong here.
Did Trump offer you. And I can't believe he would do this, because this is his favorite band.
Did Trump offer to basically trade the Village People. The Band of Village People, which is his favorite dance that he does when he looks like he's skiing on stage.
Did he offer to trade the Village People in exchange for prisoners that you guys are holding in your dungeons there? Is that. Is that reporting true?
[00:22:03] Speaker D: I will take nobody else except for Pete Heg says, okay, so you don't
[00:22:09] Speaker B: want the Village People.
[00:22:10] Speaker D: We have many people in the Village here.
[00:22:13] Speaker B: Well, I'm talking about the band Macho man, ymca, right? In the Navy. These are some of their hits.
[00:22:21] Speaker D: We used to have a Navy, A.J.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: yeah, I know your Navy's gone because your. Your fantastical boyfriend put it at the bottom of the ocean. All right, let me. Let me move on here.
There is another part of this mou, and I need you to correct this, too.
Then you try to negotiate a workout maybe two weekends a year.
You know, and look, I could see why you would want the Village People there because they could be singing in the background while you're doing this two weekends a year. In the Memorandum of understanding, and I'm reading here from this memo that came out of the State Department that Iran states that that the Gayotola gets to spend two weekends every month with Elton John, with Ricky Martin, and with little Nos X. I'm not sure who little Nas X is, but, I mean, he's. He's probably your type. Is that true?
Is that part of the memorandum? You get to speak and hang out with Elton John, the Piano man, back in university days. Wait a minute. That's Billy Joel.
So wait, do you want to hang out with Elton John, yes or no?
[00:23:32] Speaker D: He's too old. A.J. aziza, he's not your check.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: He's not your type.
[00:23:40] Speaker D: Not. Not for me. He looks like an old lesbian.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Okay, well, I called him Piano Man. My mistake to the Billy Joel fans. But I'm gonna tell you what you do have in common with Elton John.
You both are Rocket Man. Okay? Elton John's the Rocket Man. You have the Shahab 2, Shahab 3. Or you did rockets.
So maybe you and Elton John could ride around Tehran on one of your rockets, and he could do a little number for you. He could sing for you. Look, Elton John is a amazing human being, and he'll do anything to help bring about world peace. And we need to thank him for that.
[00:24:20] Speaker D: That I want is from Pete Hegseth. He has a buster, and he can bunker buster on me any day.
[00:24:27] Speaker B: All right, let's move on from Hex Seth, because I think the audience. The audience is aware your fondness for Hexeth. Here's what I want to know. In the US Congress, there's this group of super fans of you, the Gayatola. Super fans of anyone that doesn't like Israel, super fans of anyone that doesn't like the United States, and quite frankly, super fans of anyone that doesn't like Western civilization.
Now they call themselves the Squad, the Squat.
They're mostly female.
Some do have some facial hair, which, I don't know, you might like.
But there is one male member. His name is Greg Caesar Cesar. Greg Cesar from Texas? Are you familiar with Greg Cesar? I mean, Cinco de Mayo's over, but maybe you could hang out with him at some point. Is he your favorite member of the squad?
[00:25:21] Speaker D: I would love to toss Greg Caesar salad.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: All right, well, fair enough.
I love a good Caesar salad.
So my favorite dressing is Cardini's.
The key to a good Caesar salad is the anchovies, right? So. So maybe you and Greg, you guys can dunk yourself in a dunking booth or some sort of vat of Caesar dressing together and have a good old time in honor of Hardwick.
[00:25:49] Speaker D: Is his button, Jen circumcised, yes or no?
[00:25:53] Speaker B: I don't know. I mean, if he's Catholic, he probably is.
So I don't know what. What you like, what your. What your style is with the mouls of the world, but I don't know. I don't know that much about him, but I do know he's the lone male member of the squad that's left. Who's the other guy? Jamal Bowman, or whatever the guy's name was that was pulling all the fire alarms. He lost his primary, so he's gone. Now, before I let you go, I just want to stay with Congress for a second. We're going to take a break here in a second. One more question before the next break.
You have members of the squad in the House of Representatives. Over in the U.S. senate, you have 100 senators, one of which does not like you.
Absolutely doesn't like you. I mean, he's never.
He's never met a war or a military action he. He doesn't like.
He's the senior senator from South Carolina in the US House.
He lives with his sister, so you can read between the lines there. His name is US Senator Lindsey Graham.
Now, maybe one of the ways peace. Maybe one of the ways peace can.
[00:27:05] Speaker D: Yes, Lindsay. God, Lindsay. That's a girl's name.
[00:27:11] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, well, it can be even. Even in Farsi, Lindsay's a girl's name. Because here in the United States, in English, Lindsay. Lindsay could be a man or a woman.
Well, look, I want you to imagine something here, okay? I don't know whether you've ever seen the movie the Big Chill, but I want you to imagine you're in South Carolina.
You and him, you and Lindsay, you're together.
Okay? Maybe Kenny G's playing in the background. You're in Gayetola retirement.
You're enjoying yourself. I'm a young man.
You're in a big home in South Carolina. You're sitting on one of these big antebellum porches. You've got the Spanish moss hanging down. Very romantic.
And you're on a big porch.
And maybe you and Lindsay are sipping mint juleps.
Do you think there's any way you could sort of get Lindsay to like you to want to hang out with you? Because he. He really has got a bone up his rear end for Iran in general, and he has for a long time. What are your thoughts about that? You. Could you see yourself in this romantic situation?
[00:28:26] Speaker D: Not my type. Lindsay. Woman.
[00:28:29] Speaker B: Okay. All right, but we're gonna take. Yeah, we're gonna take a break here.
I am speaking with Mustaba Husseini Ham, the Gayatola of Iran. We have an exclusive here on Dangerous Laughter.
He could have. He could have talked to a lot of people. He's decided to call into the show. We're going to take a quick break, check in with our sponsors. Always remember, ladies and gentlemen, comedy is our civic duty. We will be back with the Gayetola right after this. I'm like the Joe Patchy of conservatism. Write my books to fight back. I write my books to, you know, poke fun at these people, because, look, there's plenty of people out there to talk as fast as me. You know, Ben Shapiro. I mean, there's all kinds of people. You know, Victor Davis Hansen's a genius, and this one's a genius. And all the rest of it, guys like Gutfeld, Stephen Crowder, the Babylon B. What I try to do in some ways are more devastating, and this is what made Charlie so effective, is that Charlie was able to take. He. It was almost like he was weaving tapestry in front of his brain. Moved very quickly. One of the fastest I've ever seen, you know, and I never shut up. And I will tell you, he was able to take, like, the New Testament and weave it with the Magna Carta, make jokes about what happened on the Bachelorette last night. I mean, he was. He was able to weave like that. And that scared the hell out of anyone that can weave like. And Trump does. Anyone that can do that. Scares them. I'm not here to get into the.
[00:29:55] Speaker H: The.
[00:29:55] Speaker B: They go into all the rabbit holes there.
[00:29:57] Speaker E: But.
[00:29:57] Speaker B: But I will tell you, Charlie Kirk was a master at weaving politics and the culture together. Just like Ross and just like Reichbark.
[00:30:14] Speaker E: You should be women.
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.
Someone once said comedy is the art of turning horror into humor. That's the essence of the Curse of the Bearded Lady. Laughing in the face of madness before it devours us whole.
Nothing in living memory has been funnier or more horrifying than a movement convinced there are 72 genders.
[00:30:44] Speaker H: Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.
[00:30:47] Speaker E: The curse of the Bearded Lady. The curse of the Bearded Lady.
[00:30:52] Speaker H: The trans mafia has whacked America's sanity.
It's Monty Python by way of Mengelo. Absurd theater with real victims.
I'm not here to conduct a medical examination of the trans mafia.
This is a cultural autopsy. If Billy Shakespeare could write tragedies and histories and comedies, why can't I? The radicals refuse to surrender their gender mad stranglehold on America's vital institutions.
This book will show how we got here, how we fight back, and how the Democratic Party's obsession with mainstreaming the bearded lady will doom it to political extinction.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:31:43] Speaker F: Stay locked in with the man who slayed the Woking dead.
This is Dangerous Laughter with AJ Rice on the Publius Media Network.
[00:31:54] Speaker B: We are back on Dangerous Laughter under Always remember and understand this. There is no substitute for perfectly time derision.
No substitute for perfectly timed derision. Look, we believe in the equal distribution of mockery here.
Everybody gets it. Everybody gets it. We're trying to get Netanyahu on the show.
We will see.
We will see if he takes time away from watching the Phillies, the Philadelphia Phillies, because he is from Philadelphia, contrary to people thinking he's from Israel.
We will see if we can get him on. And look, the Gayetola has taken time out of his day. We actually have him on the phone. This is not a cardboard cutout of him.
This is him. The Gayetola doesn't have to talk to us.
He could go talk to Candace or Fuentes or Stu Peters and. And look, they're all trying to get him on, but he decided to come here to dangerous laughter.
And his name, Mushtaba Husseini. Hamine Farsi is not my second language. It's not my 800th language. So I got a question for you, though, because that is your name.
When you were younger, were you ever picked on? I mean, you Were you ever, like, called? Because if you take your name Mushtava and Hosseini, Mo Ho. Moho. Did any of the kids. I mean, you want to get toll, after all? And this, you could turn it backwards. You go backwards, forwards, Moho. Did people ever. As a nickname, did the kids.
Did they. Did you ever have to throw someone in the pit and stone them because they were calling you Moho?
[00:33:32] Speaker D: They called me Mojo, A.J.
[00:33:37] Speaker B: they called you Mojo because all the
[00:33:41] Speaker D: boys know who carried out the best mojo, A.J. okay.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: All right. Well, I was just wondering, because there were some reports from Mossad, and it might have been propaganda. You never know that your nickname was Moho. But we will move on. Moho.
Yeah. All right.
How's my pronunciation Now? Let me ask you this.
Like, Harmony, like, the little hand of Hormel makes that harmony, Harmony, Harmony. Okay. All right. Well, look, get it out. Clear your throat.
It's being debated globally.
[00:34:24] Speaker D: I want to hear aj.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: Your throat, AJ okay, well, I. I'm hard to catch. I'm a bit of a leprechaun. Now, I did wear green for you today because green's the color of Islam. So I hope you appreciate that. Now, let me ask you this. It's been debated globally.
That part of the MoU is that you personally asked the President of Iran to rename the Strait of Hormuz.
Now, you're not going to rename it the Moho of Hormuz, but, I mean, are you considering a name change to the Strait of Hormuz to something else?
Gayetola. I've gotta ask. Everyone's been saying the straight of Hormuz, and especially in June in Pride Month.
It's offensive.
And I'm not trying to be woke, okay? I wrote a book honoring the bearded lady, which is behind me. I'm not trying to be woke. I'm just saying, don't you find the straight of Hormuz or the Straits of Hormuz as the Gayetola? Don't you find that offensive, A.J.
[00:35:34] Speaker D: i was the only member from Iran that wanted to keep the Straits any straight closed forever,
[00:35:42] Speaker B: okay? Now, because you don't want any straights, right?
[00:35:46] Speaker D: New Year, new me.
[00:35:48] Speaker B: Okay, but you don't think the name is homophobic?
[00:35:56] Speaker D: The name?
[00:35:57] Speaker B: Yeah, the Straits of Hormuz. Is that a homophobic Slurpee?
[00:36:01] Speaker D: I wanted it to be most of us corner.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:36:05] Speaker D: All right.
[00:36:06] Speaker B: All right.
[00:36:06] Speaker D: Well, look, I'm not gay, A.J.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: all right, gayetola, Whatever. I mean, you keep saying that, but we have a report from all the intelligence Services. We have a report from the guys over at South Park. They told us that the reason you're called the Gayetola is because, you know, you're a fan of the gays of Hormuz and not the Straits of Hormuz. So let me. Let me move on here. I. I've got to ask you. There's this word. The American people might not know it. The word is harem. Or. Or harem, to get a little phlegm out.
So you have this word. We have a graphic. I think a member of my harem is going to put it up on the screen. Oh, there it is. So harem, the noun, right?
[00:36:54] Speaker G: A.
[00:36:55] Speaker B: A usually secluded house or part of a house allotted to women.
In some Muslim households, you got the wives, the concubines, female relatives, servants, they all accompanying a harem. So I've got to ask you this as the Gayatola, and this is an exclusive, ladies and gentlemen, you've never, ever heard the Supreme Leader of Iran the way you're hearing him today. And always remember, our job here is to transform horror into humor. Gayetola. Can men be members of the harem?
[00:37:34] Speaker D: The word hair is in harem, A.J.
[00:37:38] Speaker B: well, there's no I in there, though. There's no I in there.
[00:37:41] Speaker D: Harem, Harry. Men. Even in English, it's obviously for men.
[00:37:47] Speaker B: So is that. All right? So that's the English word of an Arabic translation. So what you're saying is in the Farsi dialect, in the Farsi Alphabet, there's an I in harem.
[00:38:00] Speaker D: Any woman in a harem, it would be haram.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Oh, haram. Okay. All right. So let's. Let's talk a little bit about culture. I hear just like Kim Jong un, you're a. You're a huge fan.
[00:38:15] Speaker D: He has a very small button.
Very, very small button. Jam. Okay.
[00:38:20] Speaker B: Is his. Now, little rocket man, is his rockets bigger and faster than yours or you? Is your rocket bigger than little Kim's?
[00:38:30] Speaker D: Wouldn't you like to know. A.J. as he.
[00:38:33] Speaker B: Well, this. Look, this is an interview. This is a serious interview. I've got to know you're not a serious person.
Well, I'm trying to be here. I know this is called dangerous laughter, but, I mean, I've been given an opportunity. A global exclusive. I've got the Gayetollah of Iran calling in from the Iranian version of Chuck E. Cheese, and I'm going to ask you these questions.
I got to be honest with you.
I deserve some kind of answer. Is your rocket bigger than Kim Jong Un's rocket? The world needs to know.
[00:39:04] Speaker D: I've been living in a cave with no water, no electricity, finally no Internet, and now we want them to turn the oil on. And you are mad at me.
[00:39:16] Speaker B: I'm not mad. I just want to know who's got the bigger rocket. Look, if you've been alone in this cave by yourself, all you've been doing is playing with your rocket. All right, so let me move on here.
I want to talk a little bit about the culture. Little Kim likes Western culture. He's friends with Dennis Rodman.
[00:39:32] Speaker D: He.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: He likes Katy Perry. He likes Margarita.
[00:39:34] Speaker D: Very toxic man. I don't like him.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: Well, yeah, well, I mean, look, he. He was able to find a bromance with the President of the United States.
Maybe you can. And if not, if not Trump, then maybe Vance or. Or Pete. As you like. So I've got to ask you some questions. The American people. I took questions from the audience. Some of the questions were cultural.
Some of them surprised me, quite frankly.
I saw. I saw Tom Hanks recently at the opening of the Barack Obama Presidential Library in the ghetto in Chicago. He made an appearance. They made him sit down with the little people.
And look, Barack Obama. He might have been more your type, or maybe Michelle. But let me ask you this.
This is a direct. This is a question from the audience. What is your favorite Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie? You got three choices. Either Joe versus the Volcano, right, You've got Mail, or Sleepless in Seattle. Now, as the Gayetola, we love Nora Ephron and all the rest of it.
Which of these three do you like
[00:40:45] Speaker D: the most in Farsi? It's Sleepless in Shiraz.
[00:40:50] Speaker B: Oh, okay. That's what it is.
[00:40:54] Speaker D: You come closer to the camera.
Okay.
[00:40:59] Speaker B: A little close. I can only get so close here, G. I mean, we can't. We can't touch. We can't.
[00:41:05] Speaker D: You have the face of me.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: I. Yeah, I did when she first started. Yeah, when she was doing daytime soaps. That's true. That's true. You're right. You're right. She's a little taller than me.
Weighs a little more, but I appreciate that. I'm a fan of a good sandwich, and from time to time, I'll go to Cat's Deli.
[00:41:26] Speaker D: Meg Ryan is not the man.
[00:41:30] Speaker B: Well, no, I don't think so. As far as I know. I mean, I. Tom Hanks is.
[00:41:36] Speaker D: Oh, okay, okay. 1:40.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: You didn't. You didn't answer my question, though. Which Tom Hanks Meg Ryan movie is your favorite? You're saying Jokers which one?
[00:41:44] Speaker D: Sleepless and she Does.
[00:41:46] Speaker B: Okay, that's your favorite one. Now, that's just a certain type of movie I've been told, and I think Rolling Stone wrote about this, that your favorite movies of all time.
I hear you're a big Adam Sandler fan. Now, I understand he's Jewish, so he's got that ding against him when I hear that, like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison and movies like this that you sit around with your rockets and you binge watch on Netflix or Amazon prime all the Adam Sandler movies. Is this true in Happy Gilmore?
[00:42:22] Speaker D: That's the movie where he's rich son, never pleasing the father.
[00:42:29] Speaker B: No, I don't think that's that one. I think that's like Mr. Deeds or something.
I think you're confusing.
[00:42:35] Speaker D: I like this one.
[00:42:36] Speaker B: Well, he plays pretty much himself in every one of these things. And you don't mind the fact that he's a member of the Hebrew tribe.
[00:42:45] Speaker D: Is this button gen circumcised?
[00:42:48] Speaker B: I. I don't know. He's been married a while. I'm sure it is. I'm sure Mel Brooks, Rabbi Tuckman, circumcised him at one point. So I hear that you like all the Sandler movies. I also heard that you were trying to raise private equity to make sequels to a couple movies that I guess during Pride Month will be running on a loop on USA and some of these other channels. The other channels like HBO and all the rest of it. You were trying to raise private equity to make a sequel to the Crying Game.
I heard that you love that movie. You want. You might. You might even want to be in it.
Or also two Wong Fu. Thanks for everything. Julie Newmar, two Part two. Now, sadly, Patrick Swayze is no longer with us, but John Leguizamo likes dressing up like a woman.
And Wesley Snipes is still with us. He just. He just revisited his Blade character in the most recent Deadpool movie. So is that true that you're trying to raise money to do two Wong Fu 2 and the crying Game too? Are these. These are your two favorite films? You want. You want to see sequels to these films?
[00:44:01] Speaker D: I want to see these men in my harem on their knees, shirtless, like Israel and Amrika will be on their knees for me. Moshe Sabah.
[00:44:14] Speaker B: Well, Leguizamo, I think, kind of let himself go. But Wesley Snipes, Mr. Demolition man there, I mean, he's still jacked, and he's like 60 something. He jacked. He's ready to go. So seeing Wesley with No shirt on. I completely understand.
Now, it's been reported that one of the ways you relax in the cave there, in the bunker underneath of the Chuck E. Cheese there in Tehran, is that you like. And you are a huge fan of Bad Bunny.
The music of Bad Bunny.
Now, he. Bad Bunny did the super bowl halftime show this year. And it was. Look, there was a big controversy because Bad Bunny's Puerto Rican. He talks a little trash about the United States.
[00:45:03] Speaker D: He's a great cross dresser. I love Bad Bunny.
[00:45:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I figured you would like him. I figured you. Look, maybe. Maybe you get Bad Bunny to replace Patrick Swayze in the two Wong Fu sequel.
That's a possibility, right?
[00:45:20] Speaker D: You could.
[00:45:21] Speaker B: Anyway, so the controversy was this. The Super Bowl. There was competing super bowl halftime shows.
One is with Bad Bunny, always crawling out of the cornfield with Ricky Martin, and the other one was with Kid Rock.
Now, if you had a chance to go to a concert, either Bad Bunny or Kid Rock, which one would you go to?
[00:45:47] Speaker D: Bad Bunny. Better dresser.
[00:45:52] Speaker B: Sure, sure.
All right. All right. Well, look, this has been really enlightening.
[00:45:59] Speaker F: Today
[00:46:01] Speaker B: I was going to ask you to pick between some US Celebrities if you were to have them be part of a peace delegation. Like, if you had a choice between Ben Affleck or Matt Damon, who would you choose?
[00:46:16] Speaker D: I would choose to be between both of them.
[00:46:19] Speaker B: You want both of them there? What if I threw in Casey Affleck and like Tom Brady, I throw them all in? You could do like you bring Bill Burr. You could do like a Boston Dunkin. Donuts, meet my new harem. Here's the cast for the Crying Game, too.
[00:46:33] Speaker D: Type of situation for Tom Brady. I will be his tight end every Sunday.
[00:46:38] Speaker B: Oh, well, Gronkowski might not like that, I gotta tell you.
So, look, we appreciate you coming in today. We have learned a lot, ladies and gentlemen, we're speaking with Mustaba Husseini Hamane the Gayatola, the supreme leader of Iran. This is a global exclusive. It's not just a Dangerous Laughter News Network exclusive.
And always remember, ladies and gentlemen, enlightenment begins when authority becomes laughable.
So before you go, I've got to ask.
It's a new dawn for the Iranian people.
You probably won't have to kill as many of them.
Yeah. Although you might.
Hopefully you're able to give up all your nuclear weapons ambitions, but always stick to your dreams. So if you want to go see Bad Bunny, if you want to make the Crying Game, too, if you want to send a Valentine's card to Pete Hegseth, you absolutely can. So before you go, let me just ask you, and I want a detailed answer here.
What are your plans as the new Gayetola?
To bring your country Iran, which once was Persia, out of the 9th century and into the 10th century.
How do you get there? How do you get out of the 9th and into the 10th? The floor is yours.
Tell me how you would do it.
[00:48:12] Speaker D: Thank you, AJ Aziza. With the memorandum of understanding mou, we will have all the west best technology, architects, engineers to build the greatest dance gay nightclub in Iran.
[00:48:31] Speaker B: Oh, and Bad Bunny will come and perform, I guess, right?
[00:48:34] Speaker D: Halftime, full time, every time.
[00:48:38] Speaker B: What kind of music? Like edm. Like what's what, what's going on? Are we gonna like how, how freaky are we getting? How wild are we getting? What are we doing? We bring in glow sticks. We could do Iran. We could do like. We could get some. We put some sticks in some of your former nuclear reactors, get them lit up glowing with radiation, and we party, right?
[00:48:59] Speaker D: I would snort nuclear dust off your chest, A.J. as these.
[00:49:02] Speaker B: Well, hey, hey.
So, so before you go, who were you rooting for this summer in the NBA finals? The San Antonio spurs had a tall French Muslim guy. He tried to get it done. It didn't happen, but I figured you'd be a fan of his Wembanyama. Certainly you probably are a fan of the mayor of New York.
He's kind of your type. He is a Ugandan Nepo, baby. But you guys could hit the prayer rugs together.
Were you rooting for the Knicks or were you rooting for the Spurs?
[00:49:36] Speaker D: New York dicks all the way, A.J.
[00:49:38] Speaker B: oh, you like them? The New York Knickerbockers? Okay, look, hey, I mean, half the, half the city was out there for the parade. And I even saw some, some gays for Palestine and some gays for Iran out there.
So, ladies and gentlemen, we want to thank Mustaba Husseini Amin, the gay.
Yes. We want to thank you, Gatola, for stopping in, for taking time away from watching Tucker and Megan and Andrew Tate and others.
I, I, I really think you've been candid today.
New York Post. As you can see, there was reporting that there might be a talk this weekend coming up in the coming weeks with Vance and the Gayetola. Maybe the president of Iran maybe part of a special delegation. We send Wesley Snipes and Matt Damon, I don't know. But this really has been an enlightening discussion.
And this is why the audience tunes in, because they know with dangerous laughter. Gayetola. You never know what you're going to get on this show. Sometimes you get dangerous. Sometimes you get laughter. Sometimes you get both.
So we really. We want to take a moment here to thank you. Is there anything you want to plug before you head back to binge watching Adam Sandler movies?
[00:51:01] Speaker D: I should have been on Sakur Carson.
[00:51:04] Speaker B: Oh, Tucker. You want to be on with Tucker? All right.
[00:51:08] Speaker D: Well, look, Seth.
[00:51:12] Speaker B: Oh, well, look, I. I can't promise heg, Seth, but Tucker would probably love to have you bring you over. Gonna hit you with some Swanson frozen dinners, probably the halal kind so that you can eat them.
And look, we really appreciate you coming in here. I mean, comedy is our civic duty. Gayetola, you're an honorable guy. You said you were gonna come. My staff said no freaking way he's gonna show up. There's no way he's gonna call in. He's having too much fun at Chuck E. Cheese. There's a bunch of kids having pizza parties there. The mouse comes out. You hang out with the mouse. It's a fun time. So I get it.
So, look, we appreciate you. I just want to thank the audience for tuning in.
This was a tough get, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, I'm not Mike Wallace, but I'm close.
I am the goat of conservative PR and I'm trying to be at least somewhat of the ringleader of dangerous laughter. So until next time, ladies and gentlemen, I will catch you on the flip side.
This was dangerous laughter. We hope you enjoyed the show.
[00:52:18] Speaker D: No cuddles and bubbles.
[00:52:21] Speaker A: Dangerous laughter. Laughter.
Dangerous danger laughter.
Dangerous laughter.
Danger.
Laughter.
